


I Have To Be Perfect

by Arekkusu_Gara420



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abuse, F/F, F/M, Homophobia, M/M, Mikasa's dad is a dick, Minor Mikasa Ackerman/Jean Kirstein, POV Mikasa Ackerman, mikani, mikannie - Freeform, non canon mikasa, small mikahisu, weak mikasa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2020-05-28 16:20:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19397827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arekkusu_Gara420/pseuds/Arekkusu_Gara420
Summary: Mikasa pretended to be this perfect girl with perfect grades, perfect attitude, and be a perfect daughter like everyone wanted. But that's not who she is, she only shows her true self to her girlfriend Annie who she has been dating for two years and the longer they're together the more Annie starts to become annoyed with hiding their relationship.(One of my first mikannie stories so I'm sorry if it sucks)





	1. Facade

*knock knock knock*

Annie and Mikasa froze in place and stared at each other not daring to move a muscle. Both girls were nude with the blonde on top of the other girl, both hands on her hips.

“Mikasa dear, it’s 5:30 I need you to start getting ready for tonight okay?” A soft voice spoke from the other side of Mikasa's bedroom door.

Mikasa took a big breath and spoke as calmly as she could. “Y-yea mom I’ll do that right now then I’ll be down to help”

They waited about ten seconds after hearing the footsteps get quieter, indicating that her mother had left. Annie sighed and sat up while starting to look for her clothes.

“Your mom is such a cock block”

“I’m sorry, it was my fault for not keeping track of the time” Mikasa apologized while putting back on her underwear and shirt.  
Annie redressed herself and looked at Mikasa who was sitting on the bed. She looked so innocent but the blonde knew she was the farthest thing from, in fact, she knew the dark haired girl better than anyone, even her own parents. Nobody deserved this girl, hell she doesn’t even deserve her but she would never tell Mikasa that otherwise she would get scolded for “putting herself down.”

“What are you staring at?” Mikasa asked with a childlike voice

Annie frowned and turned around to grab her hoodie that was on the other side of Mikasa’s room. “Why are you talking like that? You know you don’t have to pretend around me.”

“Sorry I was trying to get into character for tonight. You know how it is.” Mikasa stood and walked towards her window that faced the backyard.

Mikasa has always put on a facade to her parents and the public. She had to keep a good image, otherwise, they would think she was not good, her future would fail, and they would give up on her. So she pretended to be this perfect girl with perfect grades, perfect attitude, and be a perfect daughter like everyone wanted. They all bought it too, Annie and a few of Mikasa’s friends are the only ones who knew of her true personality.

“Yea I know, I’m just tired of this routine” Annie zips up her black hoodie and ties her biker boots.

Mikasa watches with a concerned look as Annie trudges over to her, she holds the blondes face gently and kisses her lips but not receiving much effort in return. She pulls away and tries to look Annie in the eyes but the blonde keeps them down looking to the side.

“Annie please look at me, I’m sorry it has to be this way but you know what will happen if I break this image… it will crush them.”

“That’s always your excuse. I understand you can’t come out to them, if I came out to my dad he’d beat the crap outta me but at least I don’t have to pretend I’m a completely different person.”

The two looked at each other for a few seconds then Annie moves up on her toes and gives Mikasa a quick peck on the lips. She then pulls her hood up and climbs out of Mikasa’s bedroom window jumping onto the tree branch next to it.

“I’ll see you at school tomorrow…,” Annie said as she starts to climb down and makes her way into the neighbor's yard so she won’t be seen by Mikasa’s parents.

Mikasa watches Annie until she’s out of sight then sighs heavily, walking into her bathroom to take a shower. She knows Annie is upset with her but it’s not like she can suddenly stop being this perfect girl her parents always wanted her to be, that would disappoint them and she would hate herself for making them feel that way.  
She steps into the shower and lets the warm water, fall down her skin, she knows that she’ll have to make it up to the blonde somehow tomorrow.

Mikasa and Annie have been dating for almost two years, they met at a skating park when they were sixteen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(Flashback)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mikasa snuck out that night to hang out with her friends Sasha and Ymir from her old school, her parents had her transfer to a different school her sophomore year because they thought the kids were a bad influence so every now and then she would go off and hang out with the two without her parents knowing. It was there she saw Annie riding her skateboard up and down the ramps, she wore a black jersey with a sports bra underneath and light blue ripped skinny jeans with Nike high tops, the very sight of that girl with her small but toned body was enough to make Mikasa a little weak in the knees. She definitely wanted this girl. Once Annie had finished and walked back towards her friends she felt a pair of eyes on her, Mikasa was obviously checking her out and didn’t make an effort to try and play it off. The blonde turned around making eye contact with the dark-haired girl. It wasn’t like love at first sight with all the butterflies and angel choir in the background, it was more intense. There was a strong desire radiating off the two of them. Annie looked at Mikasa intensely as if she was sending her a silent signal then walked off towards a less crowded area by the dumpsters. It didn’t take long for Mikasa to pick up on what the girl was trying to say, she waited a minute or two before telling Sasha she’ll be right back and walked off in the direction the blonde went making sure she wasn’t noticed.

You could imagine that the two hit it off pretty quickly. It was a quick introduction of names and then about a five minute make out but before it could any further they were interrupted by Annie’s phone ringing. They exchanged numbers with the intent of meeting up again next weekend, however, they weren’t expecting to run into each other at school the next day. Mikasa wore a white sundress with a pink sweater and flats, completely different from her raggedy blue flannel and black worned out jeans with converse and a leather jacket from the night before. Mikasa not wanting to break her “image” walked away quickly and ignored Annie for the rest of the day, even her constant texts asking why she freaked out. Eventually, Annie corned the girl confronting her on what was going on, Mikasa confessed and told her everything but the blonde wasn’t upset, she respected Mikasa’s decision and asked if she wanted to be friends. This later led to Annie sneaking over to Mikasa’s house late at night where they would talk about anything and everything becoming closer. After about three months the girls couldn’t keep themselves away from each other, Mikasa would sneak away during lunch to meet up with Annie where they couldn’t be seen and they would go out late at night to go to parties or just hang out in an abandoned warehouse that Annie and her friends would usually kick back at. Neither of them asked the other to be their girlfriend it just sort of happened and it’s been the same routine ever since, Mikasa goes to school as the “perfect” girl and Annie maintains her distance then later comes to Mikasa’s window to “pick her up” or just hang around for a while. Annie is the only person Mikasa could truly be herself with and she never wanted to lose that, but as the years passed she could see that Annie is becoming tired of hiding and is slowly slipping away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~(End flashback)~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mikasa walks down the stairs freshly showered and dressed in a sleeveless navy blue knee-high dress. She makes her way into the kitchen to see her mother cooking.

“Oh, there you are, here set the table they should be here any minute.” Mikasa’s mom handed her the plates.

Mikasa grabs the plates and begins placing five of them on the table. She’ll just have to push her worries about Annie to the back of her head for now and focus on being the girl everyone else loves. The doorbell rings and Mikasa’s father gets up to answer it, letting in the two guests.

“Welcome you two, Mikasa don’t be rude come and greet your boyfriend at the door.” Mikasa’s father called out

Mikasa walked to the front door and put on the best fake smile she could and spoke in the kindest voice she could muster.

“Hi Jean, it’s nice to see you.”


	2. Routine

Everyone sat at the dinner table, MIkasa’s parents and Jeans mother were chatting about something that Mikasa wasn’t paying any attention to. She kept zoning out, too worried about how things went down with Annie earlier she couldn’t keep herself focused.

“.....kasa, Mikasa!” Mrs. Ackerman spoke louder to her daughter.

“Huh? Oh I’m sorry Mother, what did you say?” Mikasa brought her attention back to the table.

“We were just talking about Jean’s upcoming football game this friday, you’re going to go cheer him on aren’t you?”

Mikasa plastered a fake smile on her face “Of course I am, I wouldn’t miss it for anything.”

Everyone smiled and Jean gave Mikasa a loving look to which she returned back at him. To be completely honest Mikasa would rather be doing anything else than going to a football game, she’s not a big fan of sports. She liked Jean and everything but she could think of a better way to spend her time, like going on a date with Annie….

Mikasa met Jean at a small get together about a year ago that was hosted by her aunt Carla and uncle Grisha. Her cousin Eren attends the same school as Jean does but they aren’t exactly friends, but their parents seemed to get along. Eren was forced to introduce her because it’s “polite” and the two got along pretty well, and of course Mikasa’s parents were thrilled to see this and urged the two to go out on a date. Mikasa was already dating Annie at the time but it’s not like she could tell them that so she agreed. After three dates Jean asked her to be his girlfriend and she stupidly said yes, mostly because her mother was pushing her to do so, and Annie was not happy about that but let it slide since Mikasa told her there was nothing she could do about it.

It’s not like Mikasa hates Jean, she thinks he’s really sweet and cares for him as she would for any of her friends but she doesn’t have any romantic feelings for him like he does for her, and it made her feel really guilty. The most they’ve ever done is kiss and hold hands and Mikasa is grateful for that, she doesn’t think she’ll be able to go any further with the boy without Annie putting his head on a stick afterwards.

Dinner had ended and Mrs. Kirstein was helping Mikasa’s mother with the dishes while her father put the leftovers away. Jean and Mikasa were in her bedroom, Mikasa was sitting on her bed while Jean sat in the spinning chair by her desk. The atmosphere felt awkward and the dark-haired girl was uncomfortable, not quite sure how to break the silence. Then Jean took a deep breath and looked to her.  
“So… since you’re coming to my game this friday I was wondering if you would maybe wear my spare jersey?” He spoke out very quickly then continued “I-it’s just that usually the players girlfriends would wear their jerseys for support when they attend the games…” he finished while his face turned crimson red.

Mikasa looked at him for a moment then gave a small smile. “Of course I’ll wear it Jean, if it’ll make you happy.”

Jean had a huge smile on his face and grabbed his bag that he brought pulling out the white jersey with his last name and the number seven on the back handing it over to the girl. Mikasa took the jersey and smiled at the boy, she was about to say thank you but was interrupted by Jeans lips on hers. She tried very hard not to cringe and kissed him back, it was a sweet simple kiss and Mikasa could feel the love behind it, unfortunately she couldn’t return it but she tried her hardest to make it seem like she did. After they pulled apart Jean’s mother called for him saying it was time to go, he said goodbye to Mikasa and left her room, closing the door behind him.

Mikasa sighs and changed into a pair of pajama pants and a tank top, ready for this day to be over. She turns off the light and laid down on her bed holding her phone, Annie usually sends her a text goodnight but Mikasa had a feeling that it wouldn’t happen tonight. She clutches her phone and slowly falls asleep.

The next morning Mikasa is woken up by the sound of her alarm clock going off, she reaches over to turn it off and groans. Sitting up she rubs her eyes and gets ready for school changing into a pair of nice blue skinny jeans and a white v-neck shirt because she’s too lazy to actually be stylish today. After she does her bathroom routine Mikasa grabs her backpack and heads downstairs to the front door.

“Mikasa you’re not having breakfast today?” her mom asked from the kitchen

“I’ll just grab something at school today” was all she said before she slipped on her black flats and put on a light jacket while walking out the door.

They don’t live very far from the school so Mikasa usually walks. She sighed, not ready to face the day but she was excited to see Annie even if she was upset with her at the moment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was lunchtime and Mikasa sat down at a table in the cafeteria and looked at her food. Overall it’s been a pretty normal day but she’s hoping that will change in a few minutes, earlier this morning she left a note in Annie’s locker saying to meet her in the auditorium during lunch so they could talk. Mikasa was pulled from her thoughts by someone setting a tray down in front of her, she looks up and sees her friend Armin smiling at her.

“You’ve been pretty spaced out today, everything alright?” Armin asked in a concerned tone.  
“Yes everything is fine…. I’m just tired” Mikasa tried to play it off by doing a fake yawn but Armin wasn’t buying it.

“Is it about Annie?” he gave a knowing look. Armin was one of the few friends that knew Mikasa’s secret, you can’t hide anything from this boy.

Mikasa gives a small smile “Was it that obvious?”

“Just a little bit” the boy smiled back “Do you want to fill me in?”

Mikasa stood up “I will later, I’m meeting up with her to talk about it. I’ll see you.”

“You better text me what happened I’m practically your guidance counselor” Armin laughed and continued to eat his food.

Mikasa made her way through the back entrance of the auditorium and turned on one of the stage lights to see Annie sitting in the front row, she was wearing black skinny jeans with a red and black hoodie and combat boots. Mikasa approached the blonde with a stoic face to which Annie returns as their eyes met. They looked at each other in silence for a moment, it would seem like they were having a staring contest.

Mikasa was the first to speak “You still mad at me?”

Annie stayed silent for a few seconds “What makes you think that?”

“You didn’t text me last night”

“I don’t have to text you every night Mikasa-”

“But you’ve been doing it since we got together so of course I’m gonna think something is up” Mikasa was becoming annoyed now but Annie kept her voice monotone.

“Maybe I just forgot, that can happen ya know”

“Bullshit” Mikasa cut in.

She walked up to the small girl and put her hands on both armrests of the chair making herself eye level with Annie.

“Stop being childish and answer my damn question”

Annie only smirked at the dark-haired girl “Oh wow the perfect Mikasa Ackerman is cursing, what would everyone think if they heard that?”

“Shut up” Mikasa moved in closer giving the blonde a death stare. She’s about had it with her attitude.

“Does that bother you miss perfect?” Annie pressed on.

“I said shut up” Mikasa spoke a little louder

“Perfect, perfect, perfect, that’s what you try to be but you’re so fake and you know it.”

“Shut up!” Mikasa yelled in her face.

“Make me” the blonde said in a daring tone and moved closer, their noses were close to touching.

Mikasa crashed their lips together and straddled Annie’s lap, the blonde grabbed her shirt pulling them closer together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mikasa buttoned up her pants and looked at Annie as she was putting her hair back in its bun, they basically had make up sex but Mikasa knows Annie is still upset. This is what it’s come to, they argue, ignore each other for a while, fuck, then pretend everything is fine and it just makes Mikasa feel worse. She knows she’s hurting Annie and herself but she’s not willing to throw away the image she’s worked so hard to build for their happiness, what a pathetic girlfriend she was.

The bell rang indicating that lunch was over, the girls looked at each other and Annie smiled.

“You should get going, it won’t look good if you’re late” she walks up to Mikasa and gives her a sweet kiss on her cheek.

“I can be a few minutes late, I want to make sure you’re okay” Mikasa rests her hands on Annie’s shoulders and looks at her with soft eyes.

“I’m fine babe no need to worry” the blonde spoke then shifted her eyes to the side for a brief second.

She was lying.

Annie had a tell, any time she lied she would always glance to the side. Mikasa first noticed it when they were playing Cheat, a card game where the players aim to get rid of all of their cards, with cards being played face-down and players being permitted to lie about the cards they have played. Other times would be if she were late to class and gave some poor excuse or when she would injure herself but try to act tough about it. Mikasa never told her she knew about it.

Mikasa just smiled back instead of confronting her, the last thing they need is another argument. “You aren’t going to class?” she asked but wasn’t surprised by the response.

“Nah I’m gonna head out with Reiner and Bert for a while. But I’ll see you tonight okay?”

Mikasa nodded and gave Annie a tight hug.

Annie’s body stiffened a little but then relaxed. “Um it’s not like I’m going away forever chill out.”

She released the smaller girl then turned to grab her backpack and left for her next class.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The rest of the day followed the same routine, aside from Armin trying to get Mikasa to spill the details on what happened in the auditorium to which the girl replied telling him that he’ll get the full story later where they can’t be eased dropped on.  
Things were the same at home as well, Mikasa greeted her parents and finished her homework in the living room while her mother prepared dinner and her father would watch whatever is on the tv. They ate dinner together and remenissed about their day, of course Mikasa left out the makeup sex in her story.

It was now eight o’clock, Mikasa had just said goodnight to her parents and made her way upstairs towards her bedroom. She opened the door and wasn’t surprised to see the short blonde sitting at her desk drawing something in her sketchpad, Mikasa leaves her window unlocked so Annie can come in as she pleases and doesn’t have to wait outside.

She closed the door and locked it just to be safe and watched Annie continue to draw. When the blonde was at a good stopping point she turned to face Mikasa and stood up walking towards her and grabbed her hands.

“What do you want to do tonight?” she asked, softly rubbing her thumbs across Mikasa’s hands.

The taller girl pulled her over to the bed and made her lay down. “Can we just lay here and talk?” Mikasa spoke in a quiet tone.

The two girls laid there and talked about all sorts of things from school gossip, to video games, to whatever stupid stunt Reiner tried to attempt and nearly killed himself with. Mikasa was trying to soak up every moment of it, she listened to every word Annie spoke and relished the moments when the girl would laugh at a funny story she told. She wanted to enjoy herself with the girl that she loved as much as she could because Mikasa knew that this wasn’t going to be for much longer, she felt Annie slipping further away today and she knew it was only a matter of time before Annie got fed up with being Mikasa’s secret and call it quits, she just knew it.

It was nearing one in the morning when she noticed Annie had fallen asleep, she should probably wake her but she didn’t want her to go. Mikasa looked at her girlfriend and took in her features, she was laying on her left side with a calm expression on her face, her lips were slightly parted and her arms were stretched out a little with her hands balled up into fists, almost like how a baby sleeps. Mikasa didn’t have the heart to wake her, instead she pulled the blanket on top of them and wrapped her arms around the small girl pulling her closer.

Mikasa held onto Annie as if she would disappear if she let go.


	3. Don't Leave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if there are any Eren lovers who don't like his behavior in this chapter. I like Eren too but it needed to be him specifically who doesn't approve of the whole lgbt thing and you'll see why.

It was five in the afternoon on a Friday, and Mikasa was getting ready to head out. She pulled Jean’s jersey over her head and slipped on her converse, she had a long sleeve shirt on underneath just in case it got cold during the night.

“I’m heading out!” Mikasa called to her parents as she opened the door.

“Be careful, call if you need a ride back.” Mrs. Ackerman replied from the kitchen.

Mikasa shut the door and began walking to the football field. It was still early and the game didn’t start until seven but she was going to meet up with Eren and a few of his friends for the tailgate. Her phone rang in her pocket and she pulled it out, the caller ID saying “Annie”. She smiled and answered the phone.

“Hey babe, I didn’t think you would be calling.”

“I was wondering if you wanted to meet up with me and Reiner at the warehouse for a while?” her girlfriend spoke with a hint of hope in her voice.

Mikasa sighed “I totally forgot to tell you, I have to go to Jean’s football game tonight”

“You don’t have to do anything, you chose to say yes…”

Both girls stayed silent for a moment, Mikasa wasn’t sure what to say.

Then finally Annie spoke. “Is Eren going to be there?”

“Y-yea he’s keeping me company”

“Cool, you guys have fun I’ll talk to you later…”

With that Annie hung up.

Mikasa sighed again, ‘this is getting worse’ she thought to herself.

What was she supposed to say? No? That would raise too many questions, then she would have to lie her way out of that and there’s already too much lying going on to begin with. But while she’s keeping Jean and her parents happy, Annie is hurting…. Mikasa doesn’t even know what to do anymore. She should have never went on that first date with Jean, things would probably be different but not a whole lot, Annie probably wouldn’t be as upset as she is now though.

Mikasa sighed for probably the hundredth time today. ‘It’s gonna to be a long night’

~~~~~~~~~~~~~(At the Game)~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eren waved when he saw Mikasa approaching, she smiled and greeted him and his two friends Thomas and Connie. Mikasa wasn’t close with Eren’s friends but they knew each other well enough to the point where it wasn’t awkward when they were together.

“Only a long sleeved shirt?” Eren looked Mikasa over “You’re gonna catch a cold like that, I have a spare hoodie in my car wait right here I’ll go get it!”

Eren turned and started running towards the parking lot.

Connie shook his head “He’s such a mom, why do we hang out with him again?”

“He even looks like his mom but with short hair, makes it even more creepy…” Thomas added

Mikasa let out a small laugh and rubbed her hands across her arms, It was colder than she thought it would be so she’s grateful he had the spare. Eren had always been like a brother to her, always looking out for her and being there when she needed a shoulder to cry on. But he was a little too overprotective, especially when it came to her and Jean dating, he was against it from the beginning but has warmed up a little to Jean since then. Mikasa loves Eren and she can trust him with almost anything.

Eren returned with the hoodie and put it on Mikasa, making sure to zip it up as well. Mikasa had to pry his hands away as he was trying to straighten it out a little while Connie and Thomas tried not to laugh.

“Okay Eren I’m bundled up now, thank you.” Mikasa smiled at her cousin warmly

“Sorry, just want to make sure you don’t get sick” Eren looked around the area then frowned.

There were two boys standing over by the gates, they were holding hands and talking like they were a couple, which they probably were. Mikasa smiled at the image, reminding her of when she’s together with Annie. But the smile didn’t last long after the comment Eren made.

“That makes me sick, why do they have to do that out in public?”

Thomas and Connie looked in the same direction. “Oh Otabek and Yurio? Just leave them be, let them have a good time.” Thomas spoke

“Why? I don’t want to see that!” Eren began to yell making some people look their way “Why can’t they just do that at home or not at all? It’s a disgusting sin and they’re going to pay for it in the after life!”

Everyone was silent for a moment and stared at him. This is why Mikasa couldn’t share everything with Eren.

“Jeez dude calm down okay?” Connie whispered “Come on the game is about to start”

XX

The game was…… boring. Mikasa was bored out of her mind, even if she was with Eren this was just not her scene, Eren had calmed down since his little outburst and everyone began to have a good time after that. Mikasa tried to have a good time too but by the time the third quarter rolled around she had enough, she prayed that something interesting would happen or at least a distraction for a while. As if her prayers had been answered, Mikasa phone lit up in her hand. She looked at the text, it was from Annie.

Annie: Come to the parking lot

Mikasa had a puzzled look but did so anyway, she excused herself saying that she had to use the restroom then made a beeline for the parking lot. She passed through the gate entrance and looked around, though she didn’t know exactly what she was looking for. Suddenly a pair of hands wrapped around her from behind and she almost elbowed the person right in the face if they hadn't said anything.

“Relax babe it’s me” Annie whispered

Mikasa sighed a breath of relief and turned around with a big smile. “What are you doing here?”

“I had a feeling you’d get bored here, football isn’t your thing.” the blonde moved up on her toes and kissed her.

Mikasa knew she should be more careful because they were in a public place, but she missed this shortie so she kissed her back for a few extra seconds then pulled away and stepped back out of her embrace. Annie didn’t seem bothered by it and looked at her.

“How about we get out of here for a while? You just tell them you got a stomach ache or something and I’ll bring you home before it gets too late” Annie spoke with hopeful eyes and took ahold of Mikasa’s hands.

Mikasa really wanted to take her up on her offer, she wanted to leave so badly, but then she thought about Jean and how nervous he was about her being here tonight and it would really upset him if she left.

She sighed loudly and slowly pulled her hands away from Annie’s. It was like slow motion as she watched her girlfriends face go from bright and happy to crushed in a matter of seconds.

“I’m sorry Annie, but I can’t leave, Jean will be upset if I do.” She avoided eye contact as best she could.

Annie stared at her for what felt like forever and then she gritted her teeth “I can’t believe this…. You’re choosing him over me again” she sounded so broken.

“He was expecting me here tonight, if I left so suddenly it wou-”

“You always choose him over me!” Annie cut her off. “Every goddamn time….”

Mikasa didn’t know what to say, instead she tried to put her hand on Annie’s shoulder but it was forcefully shoved away. “Annie I’m sorry…”

“No you’re not, if you were you wouldn’t be doing this all the time” by now Annie’s face had gone back to being stoic as she stared at Mikasa showing no emotion in her features but the sound of her voice was a dead giveaway.

“I’m so tired of this.. I’m tired of this routine, having to hide, and act like we don’t know each other.. I’m tired of it all Mikasa.”

Mikasa was frozen, it sounded like the end. She didn’t want that, oh god she didn’t want that! Anything but that! “Annie let me fix this okay”

“You can’t fix this, not without ruining your ‘image’ I know how this goes Mikasa.” Annie went around Mikasa and started walking off.

“W-wait! Where are you going?” Mikasa eyes widened as she turned around.

“Home? The park? I don’t know, anywhere but here” She went to take another step but Mikasa grabbed her arm.

“Please don’t leave” Mikasa spoke while trying to hold back her tears. “I’ll go with you just please… don’t walk away”

Annie paused, still keeping her back to Mikasa. “You already made your choice.” Her voice was low and deprived of any emotion. “...I’ll see you later” She pulled her arm out of Mikasa’s grasp and walked away, leaving Mikasa with tears finally escaping her eyes.

Mikasa watched her until she was out of sight while aggressively trying to wipe away her tears and not shed anymore. She took a few deep breaths and stood there for a few minutes. ‘I fucked up, I fucked up so bad…. Now what do I do?’ She knew this would happen, but she wasn’t expecting it this soon.

There was a noise that came from a few cars down it sounded like something running away? Mikasa couldn’t see anything it was too dark, she just assumed it was an animal or something and shrugged it off. She looked back in the direction Annie walked off in and started to cry again.

‘Damnit...’


	4. The Kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took longer to upload, I was having a major brainfart but I was able to get this much out. This chapter is a little shorter than the others, I tried stretch out all I wanted in this enough. Hope you enjoy it.

It’s Monday and Mikasa hasn’t heard from Annie at all. She’s texted her a few times but was only left on seen.

Are they really over? Annie didn’t make it quite clear that night if they were actually broken up or not, she just said "see you later" and walked away, why is everything so confusing? Mikasa shook her head and continued her walk to school while trying to make her face appear more cheerful.

As she walked through the school building she couldn’t help but feel like people were staring at her, it’s probably all in her head, so she keeps walking to her locker where she see’s Armin waiting for her with a worried look on his face.

“Hey Armin, is something wrong?” Mikasa asked not liking the feel of the atmosphere all of a sudden.

“Have you been online at all this weekend?” Armin asked with a bit of confusion and attitude.

“.....No, why do you ask?” Mikasa was not liking where this is heading

“There’s a picture of you and Annie together from the football game”

Mikasa’s heart stopped for a moment…. No, no way this could have happened.

“But we were just talking that night, it must have just been taken out of context” Mikasa spoke quickly trying to find some way around this.

Armin pulls out his phone “Oh really? Because this seems like a lot more than talking” he pulls up instagram and shows it to her.

Mikasa’s stomach sank, it was kinda dark but bright enough to make out who the two people were. You could clearly see her face at a kissing angle and Annie’s blonde bun with their arms wrapped around each other, normally seeing pictures of them together would make Mikasa’s heart flutter but this time it just made her feel sick…

She had completely forgotten about the kiss. How could she be so stupid?

“It’s on all the social media sights, it was even posted on the school website for a while until they took it down, but by then someone already took a screenshot” Armin spoke quietly and put a hand on Mikasa’s shoulder while taking his phone back.

Mikasa felt frozen. This. Is. Bad. But then she quickly got her senes back and grabbed Armin by his shoulders.

“Is Annie okay? Is she even here today? I have to talk to her.” She asked frantically while clutching his shoulders. Is that why she didn’t text her back? Had she already known?

“Ow I don’t think that’s the best idea right now.” Armin tried to wiggle out of her grasp

Mikasa’s thoughts were all over the place, if Annie knew why didn’t she say anything? What’s everyone going to think? What about Jean? Sure he's at a different school but that means nothing against social media.

“What if this gets around everywhere? Armin I’m freaking out!” Mikasa clutched his shoulders tighter.

“Ow ow ow! Yes I know you’re scared but can you please loosen your grip?” Armin had his eyes squeezed shut

Mikasa quickly let go of him, forgetting he’s as thin as a twig. "Sorry…"

"I say let's go to class and just hope this passes over." Armin rubs his shoulders.

Mikasa nods her head and heads off to her first class. When she enters the classroom she keeps her head down and makes her way to her desk but someone stops in front of her.

"You're pretty popular today Ackerman"

Mikasa looked up and was faced with Floch. He's mostly known for his oddly styled ginger hair, it looks like a birds nest on top like what is he even trying to do? The boy is just a dick but nobody does anything about it knowing that he won't stop even if they said something.

"Floch can you please just not do this now" Mikasa glared at him hoping to get the message across.

"Hmm no I don't think I can. So you like making out with girls huh? You think you and Annie can come over to my place later and make out? And then some? Maybe I could join you halfway through and we ca-"

A fist collided with his face then he was on the floor, but not by Mikasa even though she was just about to, someone just beat her to it. She looked next to her and it was the one person she least expected to see.

Annie.

The blonde was breathing heavily clenching her fists, she was about to go over and give Floch a thorough beating but Mikasa stopped her.

"It's not worth it, I think you already broke his nose" she looked at the boy holding his hand over his nose that was already overflowing with blood.

By now everyone in the classroom was staring at them. Mikasa was frozen again, what is going on with her today? Usually she would be able to shrug off what happened and go about her business but it's a little different now. Suddenly Annie grabbed her hand and led her out of the room, they continue walking without speaking until they reach the doors to the front of the school.

"Wait Annie where are we going?" Mikasa finally spoke up, she seemed to zone out the entire walk, not everything has settled yet.

"Anywhere but here, you don't need this right now" they made it to Annie's truck and got in.

"But what about you? Are you doing okay?”

"I’m fine!" Annie suddenly yelled making Mikasa jump.

Annie looked over at her and relaxed a little bit, she started the truck and drove away from the school.

The car ride was silent. Mikasa looked out the window and saw that they had turned down a dirt road, she knew where they were heading, the warehouse. It used to be some sort of factory but was abandoned a long time ago, a while back Annie, Reiner, and Bert stumbled upon it and they decided to make it a hangout space. They brought in an old couch that Reiner’s parents where going to throw out along with some blankets and a table they found on the curb somewhere, they ended up spray painting the walls so it would look more “unique” but it was mostly stick figures and a bunch of random lines since neither of the trio could draw for shit. Mikasa looked back at Annie, she had her eyebrows narrowed and her hands clutched the steering wheel tightly. The girl was obviously stressed.

Once they pulled up to the abandoned warehouse Annie put the truck in park then quickly got out and headed inside, leaving Mikasa alone, she got out at her own pace. She walked inside and saw Annie sitting in the couch by the wall with her head in her hands while tapping her foot on the ground lightly. Once she heard Mikasa approaching she looked up and walked over to her, quickly pulling her into a tight hug. Mikasa, still a little in shock over the whole ordeal, wrapped her hands around Annie and held her close. It seemed like Annie was taking this harder than her right now.

“I’m sorry Mikasa, I’m so sorry…” Annie whispered into her chest

Mikasa placed her hand on Annie’s head “What are you apologizing for? It’s not like you had anything to do with this”

Annie’s grip tightened a little “I know, I’m just upset this is happening to you. I mean what are your parents gonna say?”

Mikasa’s eyes widened. Her parents, since the picture was on the school website at some point no doubt one of the parents didn’t already see it and relay it back to them.

“I.. I have no idea what's gonna happen with them. Annie, what am I going to do?” Mikasa started to visibly shake from the possibilities, what if they make her switch schools again? Or move to a different state? Or what if they disown her? Her breathing started to quicken and her heartbeat sped up. 

Annie seemed to notice because she quickly pulled away from her and pulled her over to sit on the couch. She placed her hands on each side of Mikasa’s face to make the girl face her.

“Hey you’re okay, it’s all gonna be okay. I’m here with you and we’ll get through this alright.” Annie spoke softly while stroking her cheeks with her thumbs.

Mikasa began to calm down a little, she grabbed Annie’s hands and held them in her own “What about your dad? We both know what will happen if he finds out”

“He won’t find out. He won’t dare touch a computer or a smartphone and he doesn’t get along with any of the parents in the district so I think I’ll be okay.”

Mikasa smiled. “Good, I don’t think I could handle it if something happened to you as well.”

Annie smiled back. She leaned back on the couch and pulled Mikasa down so she could lay on top of her. MIkasa immediately wrapped her arms around Annie’s waist and rested her head on the girls chest, they stayed like that for a while, since they were supposed to be in school anyway they had some time before Mikasa had to go back home and face the music.

Annie always knew how to make her feel better, she could do it without saying a word. She’s glad they’re here together right now considering what happened friday night… wait, Annie was never clear if they had broken up or not that night, should she ask her about that? Or would it just upset her again? Screw it, she needed answers.

“Annie? Are we okay?” Mikasa raised her head to look at her.

Annie gave her a confused look “Yea? Why wouldn’t we be?”

“Well after what happened on friday I thought you would break up with me. The things you said made it sound that way at least”

The blonde looked down for a moment then met her eyes again. “I know what I said but I take it all back, just forget what happened that night okay?”

They stared at each other for a moment and then Mikasa laid her head back down on Annie’s chest. “Yea okay, as long as we’re still together I can do that”

“Of course we are still together, I wouldn’t be here with you right now if we weren’t”

“You’re lying, you would totally still be here if we weren’t” Mikasa giggled lightly

“Okay yeah you’re right I probably would” Annie let out a small laugh and started running her hand up and down Mikasa’s back soothingly.

Mikasa sighed blissfully and closed her eyes. It felt nice to forget about everything for a while.

XX

When they pulled up the driveway to Mikasa’s house she was incredibly nervous, she could feel her body start to shake again but then she felt a warm hand wrap around her own. She looked to Annie and squeezed her hand a little before letting go and opening the car door.

“You sure you don’t want me to stick around just in case? I can’t imagine things will go smoothly in there” Annie asked with a concerned tone.

“I’m sure, it would probably be worse if you were there” Mikasa leaned in and gave Annie a quick kiss before getting out of the truck. “I’ll see you at school tomorrow”

Annie nodded and Mikasa closed the door. She watched Annie drive away then turned towards her house, here we go.

Mikasa opened the front door quietly but there was no reason to because her father was already waiting for her. Immediately she felt her nerves kick in.

“Mikasa will you come into the living room please, we have guests” He spoke in a firm tone.

Guests? She didn’t even notice the other car parked out front. Mikasa followed her father into the living room where she saw her mother sitting in the armchair and on the couch was... Eren and uncle Grisha? Why are they here? Mikasa sat down next to Eren who didn’t bother to even glance in her direction while her father stood beside her mom. The room was quiet as if someone spoke the entire house would explode, Mikasa just kept her gaze to the floor waiting for someone to say something, this was killing her.

Her mother was the first to speak. “So Eren had some news he wanted to share with us”

Everyone looked to Eren as he pulled out his phone and opened up his pictures, Mikasa’s heart stopped again when she saw him tap on the picture of her and Annie, Eren stood up and handed the phone over to her parents. Mikasa watched them closely, her father seemed to grimace at the sight while her mom just kept staring at it with a blank expression. Her mother handed the phone back to Eren and another deathening silence fell over them.

‘Really Eren?’ She thought ‘How could you?’ Anger now boiling inside her she abruptly stood up and turned towards Eren. “You little shit! You took that photo didn’t you?!”

“Mikasa language!” Her mother yelled out.

Eren stood eye level with Mikasa. “I didn’t do anything! I was tagged in this on facebook, What’s wrong with you? Why would you do something so disgusting!”

“Both of you please stop yelling at each other” Uncle Grisha finally spoke out.

The two glared at one another and sat back down.

“Mikasa” Her father piped up. “How long have you been like this?”

Mikasa scoffed “I’ve always been like this, but I couldn’t tell you because I knew you would react badly. You’re all homophobic assholes!” Maybe it was a bit too much but the cats already out of the bag, might as well go all out right?

Her Father frowned and walked over to her. “You will not speak that way to us! Do you understand!”

“You will respect us in our own house!” Her mother shouted from her seat. Guess everyone is yelling now.

“Screw you guys! I’m so tired of pretending to be this perfect girl you always envisioned. I can’t dress how I want, I can’t talk how I want, I can’t even love who I want!” Wait did she just say love? Did she love Annie? This is not the right time to unpack this, but she does wish Annie was here right now.

“Loving another girl is wrong Mikasa! And what about Jean, you know he heard right? How do you plan to explain that to him?” Eren stood too and crossed his arms.

Crap, she had forgotten about Jean. Mikasa pulled out her phone to see if he might have called her but before she could even unlock it her father snathed the phone away.

“Phone privileges are revoked, we don’t need you texting that girl”

“You can’t stop us from seeing each other, we go to the same school” Mikasa gasped and quickly closed her mouth. Shit why did she have to bring that up?

“We’ll deal with that tomorrow. Right now I think it’s best if you just go to your room for the rest of the night” Her father spoke in a commanding tone and pointed up the stairs.

Mikasa looked to her mom who kept her head down, she then looked to Grisha who gave her an apologetic look (she knew it was bs), and then she looked to Eren who looked like he was about to burst from all the anger. She glared back at her father then pushed through Eren, heading up the stairs to her room.

Once she closed the door she sat on her bed, hugging her knees. About a minute later she heard a lock click and she walked back over to her door. She went to turn the knob but it wouldn’t move, did they seriously lock her in her room? What the actual fuck?

Mikasa turned and pressed her back to the door and slide down to the floor, her hands were shaking again and this time Annie wasn’t there to calm her down. She replayed everything that happened today in her head, from what Armin showed her, to Floch asking that question, to watching Annie drive away, then to the fight she had just had with Eren and her parents. A small sob escaped her lips and she felt the tears start to come down her cheeks, Mikasa eventually cried herself to sleep on her bedroom floor.

XX

It was morning. Mikasa had woken up stiff with tear stained cheeks, she slowly got up and looked at the clock on her nightstand, 8:45 a.m., she was already late for school. She put her hand on the doorknob again and tried to turn it, still locked.

“What the fuck” She muttered under her breath. Guess this is what her father meant by “dealing with it tomorrow.”

Just then the lock clicked and her door opened to reveal her father on the other side. He was dressed in his work attire while holding a plate with some toast on it in one hand. He spoke in a low cold tone “I’m off to work, you’re staying here until I get back.” He handed her the plate and closed the door without another word, locking it again.

Mikasa stared at the door until she heard his footsteps fade away, then she looked at the toast. She frowned and placed the plate on her dresser and looked out the window facing the front of her house, she saw her father getting into his car and drive off to work. Mikasa sighed and sat on her bed, this is all so messed up. 

Eventually she got herself up to take a shower and change her clothes from yesterday, she threw on a pair of sweatpants and a regular black t-shirt. It was now 9:45 she still hadn’t touched the toast her father brought, she wasn’t hungry anyway, her brain was spinning in circles. What kind of parents would lock their daughter in her room just because she wanted to be herself? They most likely have no idea what to do so they’re just keeping her in here until they decide on something, but still.

Mikasa ran her hands through her hair, wondering what they’re all thinking of her now at school. No doubt everyone knows, she still hasn’t been able to talk to Jean although Eren probably gave him the low down. But what about Annie? She knew the girl could take care of herself but she’s still worried, people can only take so much.

Annie…

Mikasa wanted nothing more than for Annie to be here with her right now, she was actually scared of what might happen when her parents return home. A knock on the window startled Mikasa out of her thoughts, she looked up and her face filled with joy. 

It was Annie. 

Quickly Mikasa unlocked the window so her girlfriend could hop in, she was about to close it when Annie stopped her.

“I brought a plus one” The blonde pointed downwards.

Mikasa, confused, looked out the window and down the tree. There she saw Armin, struggling, but still climbing up the tree too.

“Armin! Oh my god” Mikasa reached her hand out for the boy to grab and helped pull him the rest of the way up.

Armin was breathing heavily but looked okay for the most part. “I knew… something… was up when… you didn't make it… to school this morning.” He eventually got out through his heavy breathing.

Mikasa hugged the boy, not too hard, she didn’t want to crush him. “Thank you for checking on me”

Armin smiled and hugged her back “Of course”

She then turned to Annie and hugged her tightly to which the blonde returned. “I’m so glad you’re here” she said on the verge of tears. “My parents locked me up here”

“What? That’s bull!” Annie yelled

Armin shut the window “They can’t do that to you Mikasa, have you tried to call someone?”

“They took my phone. I honestly have no idea what’s going to happen next”

“We could always sneak you out the window” Annie suggested.

“No that would make things worse and they would find me eventually” Mikasa started pacing her room. “That bastard, whoever leaked that photo is going to pay” She gritted her teeth and clenched her fists.

Annie grabbed here hands. “Hey let’s not think about them right now,” she said in an almost shaky voice. “It doesn’t matter-”

“Yes it does matter Annie” Mikasa pulled her hands away. “This person ruined everything, and when I find out who it was there will be hell to pay”


	5. Cleanse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long!
> 
> Also warning: There is abusive content in this chapter so read with caution.

“So now what?” Both girls looked at Armin, but no one said anything.

“It’s not like there’s anything we can do” Mikasa said sitting on the floor against the wall. Annie came over and sat next to her on her left, she rested her head on her girlfriends shoulder, despite their size difference.

Annie gave Armin a worried look, he sighed and sat on Mikasa’s right side, resting his hand on top of her knee. “.....Wanna play a game to take your mind off everything?”

Mikasa raised and eyebrow at the boy. “What are you talking about? I don’t have any games.”

Armin got up to grab his backpack and pulled out his 3DS. “I’ve got Mario Kart 7 and Super Smash Bros.”

Mikasa smilled, Armin really was a great friend. “I’ll take Mario Kart” 

They took turns playing the game, passing it off when a new race started. After a while they switched it over to Smash Bros, a good game to get all the frustration out, Mikasa wasn’t the best at it compared to Armin who’s put in god knows how many hours playing. Annie didn’t always play when it was her turn, instead she would either cuddle Mikasa’s back or rest her head on the girls shoulder and give her a kiss on the cheek whenever Mikasa would knock her opponent off the screen.

Annie has been super affectionate lately, Mikasa wasn’t complaining but it did seem like a bit much even for her, like she feels bad about something….

“YES! First again!” Armin cheered for himself, he didn’t die once and the cpu’s were set to level nine. “That’s how it’s done” the blonde boy handed the DS over to Mikasa for her turn.

“Wow you really are an expert” She turned around to face her girlfriend. “Babe do you want a turn?”

Annie looked up and placed her hands on Mikasa’s cheeks “No but I do want a kiss”

Mikasa happily complied and gave her girlfriend one small kiss which turned into two, then three, then four, and then they lost count.

“You two almost make me jealous” Armin commented with a small smile.

“Armin are you interested in anyone?” Mikasa asked while putting her hand on Annie’s face who was attempting to give her another kiss. 

“Not really, it’s not that I don’t find people attractive, it’s just that I’m pretty content with being single right now. Besides I don’t think anyone would want to date me anyway.” The blonde boy scratched the back of his neck.

“That’s not true” Annie’s words came out muffled from Mikasa’s palm. The dark haired girl removed her hand “I would totally date you if I wasn’t with this beauty”

“W-what?!” Armin’s voice cracked “Come on now don’t play around like that” a blush starting to form on his cheeks.

Annie and Mikasa just laughed at the flustered boy. Just then Armin’s phone made a sound indicating he had a text, he picked it up from the floor to check it.

“It’s Historia, she’s wondering where we are today.”

Historia is another one of Mikasa’s close friends, she had been out sick for the past two weeks.

“Guess she’s finally feeling better” Mikasa looked over the boys shoulder to read the text.

“Yea I just talked to her the other day, I forgot she told me that she was coming back this week” Armin typed his reply and sent it. After a few minutes he got another text. “She says that there’s a lot of talk going on about you two today, I’m not surprised”

Mikasa’s body stiffened a little, Annie must have noticed because she gave her right hand a firm squeeze. Mikasa squeezed it back and relaxed a little.

“I’ll give her the low-down of what’s going on, that okay?” Armin looked to Mikasa.

“Yea that’s fine, let her know I’m glad she’s feeling better” Historia was another one of the few people who knew Mikasa’s secret but since the girl has been out sick she missed the most recent events.

Armin sent his reply then picked the DS back up. “Next round?” 

Both girls nodded their heads. They continued to play for the next few hours, taking small breaks every now and then to reply to Historia’s texts or bicker with each other about who the best character is to play as. Before they knew it, it was already four o’clock and they heard the sound of a car pulling up the driveway, Mikasa looked out her window and saw her dad getting out of his car and walking up to the front door. 

“Shit my dad is home, you guys gotta go now” she turned to the two blondes. Armin was already packing away his DS while Annie went to open the window to the backyard, before climbing out she went over to the taller girl and gave her a quick kiss.

“I’ll be back as soon as I can,” she whispered. With that she was out the window and on the nearest tree branch.

Armin however was having a bit of trouble, he had one foot on the branch and the other still on the windowsill, Annie grabbed his hand and tried to give him more balance without falling herself. Mikasa could hear the footsteps coming up the stairs, she panicked and pushed Armin out. He let out a small yelp as he fell, pulling Annie down with him, they weren’t that far up but still, the fall was going to hurt. Mikasa made a mental note to properly apologize to the two next time she saw them, she closed her window and quickly sat on her bed. 

When her father unlocked the door and entered her room he looked around briefly, then looked at Mikasa for a second. He then grabbed the toast he had given her that morning then closed the door, locking it again, and left.

“Hi, how are you? Oh I’m fine, thanks for asking” Mikasa muttered under her breath. She sighed and went to look out her backyard window so see if the two survived the fall.

Annie was helping Armin up while rubbing her head, they looked okay for the most part. Once he was up and steady they made their way to the neighbors yard to sneak away, Annie having to help hoist Armin up and over the fence, the boy really needs to get himself into better shape. Mikasa sighed a breath of relief, she feels really bad about pushing them but they almost got caught. Hopefully they come back tomorrow, how long is she going to be staying up here anyway? Surely the school or someone will ask about her at some point right?

XX

It was getting close to seven at night and Mikasa hasn’t heard from her parents since her father came home earlier, her mother should be back by now too, no doubt they had dinner already and it was pretty clear that she wouldn’t be getting fed tonight. She should’ve eaten that toast from earlier, she was starving.

Mikasa passed the time by cleaning up her room, it’s the most she could really do. She was a little on edge since her parents haven’t really acknowledged her today, she felt like something bad was about to happen and this feeling was usually accurate. Of course as she was thinking about it her father entered her room, her mother not far behind him, she was holding a bucket with a few bottles of what looks like cleaning supplies? What is going on?

Suddenly Mikasa was grabbed by the collar of her shirt by her father and dragged into the bathroom. He shoved her into the tub and began pulling her shirt off along with her pants, Mikasa tried to fight back but he had more power over her.

“What the hell are you doing?!” Mikasa yelled while trying to push him away. He didn’t reply, once Mikasa was stripped, save for her bra and underwear, her hands were bound by thick rope that was pulled out of the bucket her mom was holding. When her hands were tied tightly together her father wrapped the remaining rope around the faucet of the tub.

“What’s happening?” Mikasa tried to pull her hands free but the rope wouldn’t budge, her father then grabbed the shower head off its hook and turned the water on. There was a burning feeling on Mikasa’s back, it was hot water, she screamed loudly it felt like her skin was boiling. Mikasa continued to scream until her throat burned, he then pulled her head back and sprayed the water on her face, she instantly screamed more but that caused the water to go down her throat only burning it more. She kept her eyes shut tightly, it felt like her eyelids were disintegrating from the constant burning of the water, her father continued to spray her whole body, when he turned the water off she could hear him rummaging in the bucket for something, Mikasa didn’t have the strength to move her head up, her entire body was throbbing from the heat and her skin was a dark red.

“You’ve been unfaithful, Mikasa.” Her father spoke, emotionless, no sympathy behind his words at all. “You need to be cleansed..”

Mikasa didn’t say anything, her throat was still throbbing from swallowing the hot water, what did he mean by cleansed? Before she had time to think it through Mikasa felt something cold being poured down her back, she thought it was just cool water at first but then the strong smell of bleach filled her nostrils, then her skin started to sting. Her father then started to scrub her back with a rough cloth, causing her to scream again, she could feel some of her skin being pulled off from the cloth and the bleach burning the tissue underneath. He scrubbed harshly up and down her back and poured more bleach on the rest of her body, scrubbing everywhere. Mikasa felt like her body was on fire, it was a never ending burning, tears now pouring down her cheeks she looked to her mother who wouldn’t look up from the floor, she just allowed this to happen. Her head was pulled up so she was eye level with her father but her view was blocked by the rag scrubbing all around her face, Mikasa held her breath and kept her eyes shut, she could go blind if it gets in her eyes. 

After he was done scrubbing he turned the water back on hot again and rinsed her off. Mikasa screamed. The hot water pouring down her wounds and burning her skin again, the pain was too much, she tugged on the rope constantly while thrashing her legs against the tub, Mikasa screamed at the top of her lungs until her throat went completely dry. Eventually her entire body started to go numb from the burning water, turning it off again her father untied the rope. He picked her up, not gently, and dropped her on the bed. Both of them left the bedroom, locking the door again, Mikasa just laid there looking up at the ceiling.

Her body was throbbing twice as hard now, her mind felt numb, her skin was still burning but all the energy seemed to be sucked out of her. After a while she ended up rolling over onto her stomach to let her back get some air, she was shaking, but not from the cold. Her breathing was shallow because her throat was still sore, she could feel the blood slowly rolling down from the open wounds but she didn’t care right now.

Mikasa didn’t even have the strength to cry, she just stared in one direction not looking at anything in particular. At some point she fell asleep. 

XX

Morning came too soon. Was it six? No it’s eight, the sun was coming through the window by her beside, shining on Mikasa’s exposed body. She tried to push herself up so that she could turn her body away from the light, but as soon as Mikasa moved her arms the rough dead skin around her shoulders cracked and blood started to ooze out. Grunting, she flopped back down on her stomach, it’s not worth it right now. She turned her head to face the other side of her room, away from the sunshine, the girl still felt pretty drained so she closed her eyes and fell back asleep for a while.

Mikasa awoke to a tapping sound, what time was it now? Still somewhat groggy she looked at the clock on her nightstand, it read 11:30. The tapping continued and she looked over to her backyard window, Annie was back. She was probably waiting for Mikasa to come and unlock the window and let her in, but her body had a constant uncomfortable tingle and she knew that if she got up her wounds would start to bleed again. She waved her hand in a motion that said to come in, remembering that she didn’t lock the window yesterday after pushing Armin out, thank god she didn’t have to get up.  
Annie slid the window open and climbed in, she walked up to Mikasa’s bedside and let out a small gasp once she saw the girls torn up back. Immediately her expression turned to anger, she knelt down next to Mikasa’s face, she looked angry but you could see the concern in her eyes.

“Did they do this to you?” She asked in a firm whisper.

Mikasa only nodded, her throat felt like it was on fire, she needed some water.

“Fuck…” Annie quickly stood up and walked back to the window. “You can come up now” she yelled down to who Mikasa was guessing is Armin.

But she was wrong, instead it was Reiner and Bertholdt climbing through, those two are never apart from each other.

“We need to go get some ointment and bandages” Annie pointed over at Mikasa who still laid limp on her bed.

“Oh shit” Reiners eyes went wide, so did Bertholdt’s.

“I don’t have any cash on me right now, can one of you spot me?” Annie was starting to panic a little.

Reiner pulled out his wallet and handed her the money. “Why not let us go? You stay here with her.”

“No, I can run faster than both of you” Annie pocketed the money and was out the window in a flash.

“Of course today of all days she doesn't have her truck. The only one of us that can actually drive too.” Reiner crossed his arms and examined Mikasa’s back. “Bert go get a cold washcloth”

“Right” Bertholdt finally spoke and went to the bathroom.

Reiner knelt down beside the girl and spoke softly. “How badly does it hurt? Can you move at all?”

“It hurts a lot, I can’t move without it bleeding” Her voice was hoarse but she needed to speak.

Bert came back with the washcloth, he very gently pressed it on her back causing Mikasa to yelp. It stung but the coolness felt good.

“Careful you’re hurting her!” Reiner hollered at him. “You have to be gentle!”

“I have more gentle hands than you do” Bert snapped back, he continued to pat down Mikasa’s back and around her shoulders. “I’m gonna rinse this and then I’ll do your legs okay” He walked back to the bathroom.

“Does it hurt anywhere else?” Reiner’s voice was back to calm.

“My whole body, and my face. Do any of you guys have water?” Mikasa croaked out.

Reiner grabbed his backpack and dug around until he pulled out a half empty water bottle. “I don’t know how old this water is but once you sit up you can have it”

Mikasa nodded, Bertholdt came back and patted down the back of her legs. Slowly and with Reiners help she sat up and Bert finished the rest of her body and her face. Reiner gave her the water and she drank it down in about five seconds, it wasn’t much but it was better than nothing. After Bert cleaned the washcloth he then searched for a pair of sweatpants for Mikasa to put on after they get the ointment, in the meantime Reiner pulled the sheet off her bed and wrapped it around her.

Soon Annie returned, she tore open the bottle and applied it to Mikasa’s back, some of the blood seeping out and blending with the ointment, it felt very soothing despite the slight burn. After that she placed the bandaids on the most severe spots.

“They didn’t have any that you could wrap around so i got the giant pad ones instead,” she said in a soft low tone.

“Well it’s better than nothing” Reiner spoke up.

“You want to tell us how this happened?” Bertholdt placed a hand on top of her leg, probably where she was burnt the least.

“They… just tied me up and sprayed hot water and bleach on me, m-my father said i needed to be cleansed… and my mother didn’t do a thing” Mikasa’s voice started to crack. She did not feel like talking at all today.

Annie carefully pulled the sweatpants up Mikasa’s legs, they didn’t put a shirt on her so her back wouldn’t rub up against anything and peel more skin off, that seemed to be the most damaged part of her body so they just left her in her bra. Her face was a light pink from the burn of the water, her arms, legs, and front looked the same. The tips of her hair were dry and rough from the bleach and her skin felt constantly dry, it’ll take a while for that to heal.

“Do you have any idea who might’ve leaked that picture of you two?” Reiner asked, earning an elbow jab and a look from Bert.

“We’re not gonna talk about that right now,” Annie said and gave him a pointed look too. “Mikasa doesn’t need that right now. You two should probably go”

Both boys were quiet for a moment, “Yea that’s probably best” Reiner said and turned to grab his bag. Bert gave Annie a knowing look before he patted Mikasa on the head.

She had know idea what that look was about but she smiled at the two boys “thanks for helping me today” her voice was a whisper but loud enough for them to hear.

Reiner came over and pressed her head to his chest in some form a hug without hurting her. “I’m sorry” was all he said before letting go and climbing out the window, Bertholdt not far behind.

Annie laid down on the bed and gently pulled her down to lay on her chest, she placed her left hand on Mikasa’s head and stroked her hair. It was quiet for a while, until she heard a sniffle, Mikasa looked up at her girlfriend and was a little taken aback by the sight.

Annie was crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was painful to write, I don't like Mikasa in pain.
> 
> Who do you think leaked the photo?


	6. Run Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long, I haven't been in the mood to write lately but I really wanted to get this out. I've been trying to improve on writing more detail so please let me know what you think.

It’s been three weeks since Mikasa was “cleansed” and she was still locked in her room. Her wounds were healing pretty well since Annie has been putting the ointment on them, Mikasa was able to move around again without tearing the skin. Annie had been stopping by everyday to check in on Mikasa, sometimes she was alone and other times she would bring a friend like Armin or Reiner.

Mikasa placed a hand to her stomach, it had been feeling weird for the past few hours. She hadn’t eaten anything, in fact the only thing she had was a drink her father had given her earlier. Her stomach made a strange noise and then the odd feeling had ceased, weird.

Today was Saturday and Mikasa sat alone in her room waiting for Annie, she felt uneasy because of her current situation with her parents but mainly because of what is going on with her girlfriend. Remembering three weeks ago when she saw Annie crying, she had asked her why but the only response she got was “It doesn’t matter, just try to go to sleep.” Mikasa added that to the list of Annie’s strange behaviour lately, it’s possibly because of her situation or because of some personal problem that she doesn’t want Mikasa to be involved with. She also asked Annie if she could try and find out who posted that picture of them but she only shrugged and said, “I doubt it will make a difference.”

Any time Mikasa tries to bring up the issue regarding the picture Annie immediately shuts it down. Is she doing that for the sake of Mikasa not feeling hurt or is there something else behind it? For what reason would Annie have to not even want to try and find out who took that picture, granted her life hasn’t really changed compared to how Mikasa’s has turned upside down but she cares for her right? If so then shouldn’t she be doing something to give her girlfriend some closure? 

If Annie isn’t going to find out then Mikasa will do it herself. She doesn’t always have to rely on Annie or anyone else, she can do it somehow. Although she’s not the picture perfect child most people thought she was, Mikasa still had other flaws. She seems mature for her age but she really isn’t, Mikasa is always relying on someone to be there and help her when things get hard, she can’t think for herself; for the longest time Sasha was the one leading Mikasa through life, then when she transferred schools Armin took on that role then was replaced by Annie. Mikasa couldn’t think for herself when things got hard and that made her weak.

‘Things need to change.’ She thought to herself, in fact she was so lost in thought she didn’t even notice the small blonde climb through the window, but it wasn’t the blonde she was expecting.

“Historia? Where’s Annie?” Mikasa looked out the window and didn’t see her girlfriend anywhere.

“She texted me saying that she’s running late and to just come without her” Historia sat on Mikasa’s bed.

“Okay..” Mikasa pressed a hand to her stomach again, the sounds returned and she felt a little queasy.

“Are you feeling alright?” Historia knelt down beside her and placed her hand on Mikasa’s forehead.

She looked to her friend and tried to smile. “I think so, my stomach just doesn't feel well”

“Have you been eating? Do your parents feed you?” The blonde girl cupped Mikasa’s face in her hands. “You look a lot thinner”

Mikasa placed her hands on top of Historias’. “Hardly, my father gave me this weird drink earlier maybe that’s what it is,” she tried not to make eye contact while Historia was gazing at her.

“I wish there was a way I could protect you..” She started to caress the girls cheeks with her thumbs, it was starting to become uncomfortable.

‘You don’t need to protect me, I should be able to take care of myself’ Guilt started to rise in her, along with an unsettling feeling about her friend. 

This wasn’t the first time Historia behaved this way, about a year ago Mikasa had discovered that Historia had a small crush on her. She had hoped it would pass but it never happened and Historia continuously tried a few times to kiss the girl but Mikasa always shut her down, of course she would she was faithful to Annie. Still, that never stopped the small girls advances but this was hardly the time to act on it.

Mikasa met Historias gaze, she saw blue eyes but they weren’t the one’s she loved.

There was that word again.

Love.

Was she really in love with Annie? They have been dating for a while and they’ve shared a lot of personal things and moments together, Mikasa would catch herself looking at those icy blue eyes for long periods of time, the way Annie would try to act tough around everyone else but then turn into a total softie when they were alone was probably Mikasa’s favorite thing about the girl. Annie made her feel safe, she always wanted to be near her and whenever they were apart she couldn’t wait to be with her again. Mikasa didn’t want a future without Annie, is that what love is? What did they know about real love anyway, they were still teenagers.

“It’s alright Historia” Mikasa gave her hand a small squeeze, causing the blondes cheeks to turn a light shade of pink. Okay maybe that wasn’t the best idea. “I’m just glad you’re here” Bad choice of words.

Historia smiled and began to lean in a little. “You’re still beautiful” 

Their faces were inches apart now, Mikasa could feel Historias breath on her lips, this had to stop. Historia was a great friend, always so caring and adored by everyone, most people thought she was this small defenseless girl who let people walk all over her but she could definitely hold her own. Mikasa always had a lot of respect for her friend but since she learned of Historias feelings she’s kept her distance.

There was an unsettling feeling in her stomach again and it wasn’t because of the moment, Mikasa shoved Historia away and bolted for the bathroom. Barely making it to the toilet she threw up all the contents in her stomach, which wasn’t much.

It was mostly liquid but once it was all out Mikasa sat back against the bathtub. She looked up and saw Historia in the doorway a little shocked.

“Sorry... that wasn’t about you…” Mikasa choked out.

Historia knelt down beside her again, “No it’s fine, you feel any better now?”

Mikasa suddenly felt another wave of sickness and puked into the toilet again. “No… it feels… like my stomach.. is burning” she hurled again.

“What the hell was in that drink?” Historia rubbed her back soothingly.

Mikasa continued to puke, then she saw red in the toilet water. She put her fingers to her lips and saw blood on them, she was puking blood. That’s probably expected since she hardly eaten anything in weeks. It hurt a lot, why would her father make her drink something that made her sick?

“What the hell happened?”

Both girls looked up and saw Annie by the door, also in shock, probably because of the blood dripping from Mikasa’s mouth. She rushed to Mikasa’s aid and grabbed the towel from the sink using it to wipe the blood from her mouth.

“Her dad gave her a weird drink I guess and that caused her to get sick” Historia continued to rub Mikasa’s back.

Even though the attempted comfort from Historia was nice Mikasa just felt like it was wrong, she scooted closer to Annie and laid her head on the girls shoulder. She ignored the hurt look on her face.

Annie ran her hand through her hair soothingly. “Are your parents home?”

“They are, my dad might be coming to check on me soon” She felt very drained but forced herself to stay awake.

“Then we might want to go” Historia stood up and offered Mikasa her hand.

“We just got here and Mikasa is puking blood, like hell we’re gonna leave” Annie replied harshly, grip tightening around her girlfriend.

Annie was aware of Historia’s feelings for Mikasa but held back most of her anger for Mikasa’s sake since the girl was a good friend of hers but every now and then Annie’s jealous side would show or she would completely shut down any of Historia’s comments or ideas and they would argue it out until Mikasa stepped in.

“You want to get caught by her father and then not be able to come back? Real smart”

“If he comes in here I’ll kick his ass for what he did to Mikasa”

“You always jump right to fighting, why not think things through for a change”

“At least I know I would win if I were to fight” Annie stood over Historia. Even though Annie wasn’t that much taller she still made herself look intimidating.

Historia glared up at her. “That a challenge?”

Before it could go any further Mikasa interjected. “Why don’t you guys just hide in the closet until he’s gone”

Both blondes kept glaring at each other, eventually Annie broke it off and looked at Mikasa. “Alright let's do that”

It was good timing too because they all heard the floor creek indicating that someone was walking down the hall towards the bedroom. Annie and Historia quickly went to the closet, it wasn’t very big but since they were both small, it was an easy fit.

Mikasa sat by her desk to make it look like she was busy when her door opened.

“Here drink this” her father placed the cup on the desk and looked at her.

“The last one made me sick” Mikasa stared at the cup with disgust.

“Good then that means it’s working”

“Are you trying to kill me or something?” Mikasa looked at him with hurt in her eyes.

“No, just trying to rid you of all the sin in your body” He pushed the glass closer.

She looked at the liquid, it was clear with some orange tint and smell like that fruity lysol spray. “I’m not drinking that” 

“What? You’ll do as I tell you Mikasa” His voice became more stern.

“No fuck you I’m not drinking that!” Mikasa was tired of this and let her anger slip.

“Don’t talk back to me! Now drink it!” He grabbed Mikasa by the hair and pushed her to the floor, Mikasa yelped and tried to push him back with her feet but it was useless. He shoved his fingers into her mouth to pry it open and grabbed the glass to pour the drink in.

Mikasa started to yell and whine while trying to knock the glass away but her arms were pinned by her fathers knees, he poured some of the drink into her mouth and she gurgled and coughed, trying to spit it out. Mikasa felt so powerless, she began to cry as multiple questions crossed her mind.

‘Why?’  
‘Why is this happening?’  
‘Why is he doing this to me?’  
‘Why don’t I fight back?’  
‘Why am I being so weak?’  
‘Why, why, why’

His weight left her no room to move, Mikasa just cried and let him do what he “thought” was best for her. But then that weight was gone.

Had she somehow pushed him off her? She looked up and saw him struggling with another person, a blonde, was that Historia? The small girl tackled him off Mikasa, he must’ve been taken by surprise because there’s no way Historia could’ve knocked him down if he was prepared. 

Mikasa was quickly being lifted to her feet by Annie and pushed towards the window. 

“What’s going on? Why did she do that?” Everything was happening so fast.

“We’re leaving now, you can’t stay here Mikasa” Then she was pushed out the window and falling to the not so soft ground.

Landing on her back with a thud Mikasa groaned as the world spun a little in her head but she quickly came to when a pair of shoes came flying down nearly landing on her face. Annie jumped through the window onto the tree branch then landing on the ground next to Mikasa’s head, she pulled the girl up and grabbed her arm dragging her towards the truck waiting on the cirb. 

“Wait what about Historia?” Mikasa tried to turn around but Annie kept a tight grip and kept running.

“Looks like she can take care of herself” She responded. Mikasa looked back to see her friend already running towards them, but her father was close behind.

They made it to Annie’s truck, she let go of her to run over to the driver side. Mikasa got in the back seat and left the door open for Historia, Annie had already started the engine and was pulling away. Historia used the last of her energy to sprint towards the truck and jumped right into the back seat before she could be grabbed. They sped away, tires screeching and the back door flailing from the wind, once Historia was seated correctly she closed it.

All three were panting but felt very relieved. They did it, they managed to get away, was this their plan from the start? Mikasa put on her shoes that Annie threw out the window she highly doubted this had been their plan from the beginning, it seemed very sudden.

“Idiot, why would you push her out the window? She could have broken her neck” Historia snapped at Annie, she looked like she was ready to attack her but that would be unwise since Annie was the driver.

“Relax it wasn’t that high up, besides she pushed Armin out and I got pulled down with him and we’re both fine.” Mikasa chuckled at Annie’s silent form of payback but soon went silent as the realization hit her.

“Why did you two do that? Now you’re caught up in this mess” She folded her hands together and squeezed them tightly to hold in her frustration. She had to be saved by them, she had to rely on other people to help her again.

“We were already caught up in it” Annie said sternly. “We couldn’t just sit by while your dad was forcing what was basically a poisonous drink down your throat, you could’ve died” she said more softly.

“We’re here for you, we’ll help you run away and keep you safe and find a way to get out of this” Historia placed her hand on top of Mikasa’s, she looked up at her and saw the determination in her eyes. She looked over to Annie who was glaring in the mirror but kept quiet.

She smiled at both of them then turned to look out the window.

‘Thanks but… I shouldn’t need your help’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yea I know it's kind of short but like I said I haven't been in the mood to write so I did as much as I could.  
> On a side note, a friend really wanted some MikaHisu so I added that in there for their entertainment hope some of you enjoyed that.  
> This story is finally kicking off how I wanted it to go so I'll do my best to update more often.

**Author's Note:**

> If you stuck around till the end I commend you. Sorry if its terrible, I'm not the best writer so if you have any notes for improvement please let me know.


End file.
